Skating
On January 29, 2025, the tragic plane crash that killed 67 people included many figure skaters and coaches. Videos of figure skaters immediately began showing up across social media. Always having been a fan of figure skating, I watched the mini reels, like many, wondering which ones had died in the crash. Videos of one particular couples’ skaters caught my attention and stuck with me. It turned out neither of the pair were involved in the accident.
After scrolling through many videos, I learned that Valeriy and Vasilisa were no longer skating together, but quickly became engrossed in watching their past performances. The way they skated together was definitely special and unique as I discovered many fans had put clips together with their own choice of music playing.
There was something so uplifting about watching the way they danced together, seamlessly mirroring one another. To work that closely together, the lifts, the expressive arm movements, the synchronized dance movements. Emanating such a deep connection in all ways - physical, mental, and emotional - to be able to convey so much in their integratred body movements gliding on blades across a sheet of ice.
Not being a major sports fan, I’ve always been drawn to figure skating and gymnastics, admiring the strength and perseverance of the athletes, and the beautiful ways they move their bodies. I love watching the vignettes summarizing their lives leading up to participation in the Olympics. Like most people, there are often stories of adversity that led to the person’s strength, resilience and perseverance.
In my own quieter life, I can relate to those sentiments. Having faced scary and hard challenges from my very early years, people often tell me how strong and resilient I am when they are encouraging me through another challenging time. Those words of encouragemnet at 54, have me feeling like I’d prefer not to need that strength and resilience, wishing for easier paths.
Unlike the documentaries on amazing athletes like Simone Biles, my life story doesn’t get punctuated by gold medals. Yet I feel inspired and so happy for her, seeing her hard work reward her in such a concrete manner, gaining the admiration of so many. At the same time, I imagine in her quiet moments, those painful memories and internal struggles are not softened by the external world. I wonder would she trade all her success to not have had the experiences that led to her tremendous strength and resilience? I wonder that about my own life sometimes when I catch myself envying someone who seems to have a calmer, easier life experience.
My ambition and motivation do lead to great rewards in my own life, be it academic and business success, the love of my kids, great friendships, accomplishing goals. I try to remind myself that when I get tired of having to do hard things. As people say, you are who you are based on all that’s happened in your life. And thankfully, I do love who I am, and believe in myself.
I am a kind person, capable of great empathy for others, loyal and committed to those I love. Though I have many anxieties and fears, I have courage to be honest, to fight hard for what and who I believe in, and to allow myself to be vulnerable with loved ones. Unfortunately, I also learned to put the needs of others before my own, to sacrifice myself for others. One might think this noble, but sadly, this invites predators into your world who recognize this and will use you to fulfill their own wants. People like this will manipulate these beautiful strengths and vulnerabilities into serving their own needs, never reciprocating. A very painful lessen, but I am finally learning what is meant by the word “boundaries”.
I am grateful to the skaters and gymnasts of the world as they give me imagery to what I feel within my own life. I often remember Kerri Strug’s famous vault landing on one leg to win the team gold. I cried with her in real time when her coach carried her after her landing. The tears of pain in her eyes as everyone cheered her on. The cheers of others may feel validating and positive, but that internal pain, as I magine Kerri’s leg felt, doesn’t disappear. I have often cried at the moment of accomplishment after a painful push to get there, wanting to be in the celebratory moment but that internal deep hurt that led the strength and resilience is still aching inside. An odd dichotomy that will sometimes make me wonder if I’d trade accomplishments for that pain to never have happened. Would I then also lose my strength and resilience , and would it be worth it? I wonder if these successful athletes ever have similar thoughts.
As I watch scenes of Valeriy and Vasilisa skating together over and over again, I find myself longing for a relationship that emulates what they show in their dances. How I wish for a partner who would lift me up to allow me to accentuate my beautuful postures. One who would dance alongside me, work in unison as a team and also step back at times to admire my own individual work.
There are two video clips that stood out for me that I have watched on repeat numerous times. One where Valeriy lifts Vasilisa over his head and holds her up against his arching back. She and he let go of each other and make beautuful gestures with their arms and hands as they glide together across the ice. For a brief monet he is not holding her with his hands, rather he seems to be supporting her as she weighs into his back. Supporting one another in ways they appear to be defying gravity. Another clip shows Vasilisa accidentally falling during a routine. Valeriy appears to effortlessly shift his skating path to not hurt her with his blades. He then reaches his hand for hers’ and lifts her up right back into a unified path towards the finale. The final move leaves him on his knees before her with his head resting into her hips. He breathlessly looks up to her face to see her fighting tears, looks into her eyes and then stands to hold her as he kisses her forehead. That guesture, such an intimate moment before cameras, made me wonder if I will ever experience that kind of love and support from a partner.
Grateful to have discovered these reels, I watch them almost daily for the optimism they bring me, the clarity of what I hope for in my next relationship.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1waJffrBDNU
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/TL2nilGyPcw
